Fight the Sugar!

2008 sucked

2008-12-29T20:27:00.001-05:00

yea -
I"m glad for this year to be over.
guess what I jut saw on the scale?
242.
yep.
remember the shock at 230?
ha!
242.

I'm a fucking huge fucking cow.

update

2008-03-08T20:41:00.002-05:00

Well, I was pregnant for 9 weeks. Then it was over. I had a d&c to finish it off. I'm 225lbs.
How's that for an update.
I've had an awakening though.
I must reclaim my body and my health.
I'm formulating a plan right now... but it must must be done.
I'm going to start by food journaling.

well, huh.

2008-01-30T18:44:00.000-05:00

So my rough start to the year got rougher.
I got pregnant.
And at the doctor today it was confirmed there is no baby... just an empty baby sack.
So now I need a d&c.
Shit.
But the good news is, hopefully I'll be able to lose weight before getting pregnant again.

It's been a rough start

2008-01-12T20:13:00.001-05:00

A rough start to 2008 diet wise. I'm sad to report that I did actually see 230 on the scale.
I spent 2 hours last night with my food mover mapping out a week's worth of meals. I've done excellent today.
I'm happy... I reached my "high" weight... I freaked and cried... now I can just lose the weight. I've set myself up for success... I'm highly motivated and I've got excellent support from my husband.

Right now I've got the headache I always get when I start a new way of eating. It's the same headache every time. It tells me that I haven't eaten what I usually do today.
Here's what I had:

B: cereal w/ milk
L: Subway sandwich loaded with veggies and 1 tsp of Mayo
S: Veggies and dip
D: roasted chicken, rice, green beans and roasted peppers.
S: fruit

Tomorrow's food will be tastier as I'm going to the grocery store in the morning.
Monday my gym routine starts. My goal is to exercise 4-5x per week.

Resolved: 2007 was wonderful. 2008 will be too.

2007-12-31T20:03:00.000-05:00

It's with a bit of sadness that I say goodbye to 2007. This was the year that my life-long dream of becoming a mother came true. After battling infertility for more than a year, I'd all but given up. Yet, here we are.
I have a beautiful son and a wonderful supportive husband.
Fat or not, life doesn't get much better than that.

Still though, I do want to improve somethings about myself. Life is all about becoming better, right?

So here they are. My New Year's Resolutions.

1) Lose 40lbs by Dec 31st 2008.
2) Have scar-free arms
3) Worry less
4) Find a church and attend regularly
5) restart my book club

They ambitious, but do-able.
Here's to another wonderful year!!

A very healthy dinner

2007-12-18T20:27:00.000-05:00

Tonight for dinner we had roasted butternut squash, shrimp, tomatoes, mushrooms and onions over rice.
We snacked on pretzels, nuts and chocolate chips.
I really feel like the chromium is helping with sugar cravings. I still have them, but they're manageable.
I'm thinking I'll just skip "blast off" week and go right to the 1600 calorie card on my Food Mover. I never make it through blast off and I feel so defeated.
Hopefully my son will get over his cold so I can exercise. He can't go to the Y when he's sick.

Back from the Beach

2007-12-17T19:24:00.000-05:00

I'm back from the beach.
It was a quick trip.
I've decided to really stick with the food mover... it's balanced and it works for me.
I'm going to keep on my vitamins as well as watch what I eat until after Christmas.
Then I'll get in full swing.
I feel excited and defeated all at once.

I'm going to the beach

2007-12-13T14:50:00.000-05:00

South Beach that is.
Everything I've read points me to a lower-carb or "smarter carb" eating plan.
So, South Beach it is.
I've been researching all sorts of details about it while son napped.
Now I've got to implement it.
What in the world will I eat for breakfast besides eggs though????

Ugh, Cookies

2007-12-12T18:41:00.000-05:00

I've never met a cookie I didn't like.
Today was the orgasmic day I wait for all year. The cookie exchange.
I came home today with no fewer than 70 cookies.
I ate like 10.
Right now I want to die.
I feel so sick from the sugar that I can't stand it.
My weight this morning was 222.
Enough already.
I'm better than this.

A new adventure

2007-12-09T18:39:00.000-05:00

Ah yes, mother nature has a funny way of working. Of course, just 4 days after my insanity I discover that I am not pregnant. (Um, no surprise, but you know, just trying to be polite). I've started my vitamin program. Slowly. Today I got a Chromium supplement as well as Magnesium and for some reason Niacin (which is B3. I don't think I needed to supplement it, but I bought it anyway).
I took them at lunch time, and of course, nothing happened. I'm not sure what I thought would happen, but I feel about the same.
In my attempt to go "smarter carb" -- tonight I cooked my first spaghetti squash. DELICIOUS. I roasted it with a tiny bit of olive oil, salt and pepper. Scraped it out. It was a little crunchy. I'm thinking I'll roast it longer next time. It didn't have a strong flavor, but it did have a hint of "nutty" to it. My husband went crazy for it, asking me to get more tomorrow. That says a lot. My husband is a meat and potatoes guy. Anyway, on top of the squash we had scallops with bacon, lemon, mushrooms and broccoli. It was absolutely divine. One of the best dinners I've cooked in a while. Spaghetti squash will be a staple in our house this winter!

I think I'm on the right track.

2007-12-04T19:22:00.000-05:00

No, not with the weight-loss that isn't magically happening because I want it to. I think I'm understanding my hormone insanity.
Let's pause for a moment now and take a glimpse into my insanity history.

My mother is a 55 year old anorexic. She won't admit it. Everyone in the family knows it. She's that way because her mother harped on her for her weight. My mom has never been fat. She just thought she was. I have two brothers and one sister. My sister was quite heavy as a child due to a significant weight gain during a kidney infection. My mom, though a truly loving woman, felt that a fat daughter reflected on her as a mother. She spent a lot of our adolescence buying unflattering clothes for my sister and me to try and hide our bodies. She obsessed on our weights. My sister says that my mom was particularly cruel to her, saying things like "no one wants a fat bride" and making pig faces at her if she went for seconds. My mom didn't do any of those things to me. My sister was bulimic for years.
I started gaining weight in the 6th grade. My mom told me that I shouldn't play outside with the boys anymore. So I started staying inside. Now, I was chubby. But I don't think I was as chubby as I thought I was. I wore a size 12. I'm not sure that was my real size as all of our clothes were baggy (see above). I was raised in a Mormon family (I'm no longer Mormon, my whole family is). In the Mormon faith, members pride themselves on modest dress. To my mom, modesty was big, ugly, age-inappropriate clothes. She was doing her best. I know she was. Moms are a product of their own environment.
So, I graduated high school and wore a size 12 or 14. Probably I was closer to a 10. I weighed 145 or so lbs.
I dropped a LOT of weight my freshman year of college. I was down to a size 10 pants and a medium shirt.
Then started my years of clinical depression. This was about the time I'd realized the Mormon church wasn't for me. I struggled so hard with that decision that I actually considered suicide. It was a dark dark time.
I managed though to graduate from college, move away from my family and get out on my own for real. I weighed 200lbs.
Thinking for myself for the first time was amazing and terrifying all at once. This is when I started the Richard Simmons food mover. I got down to 175. I felt confident and started dating. Met my husband. Got married. I was 215 on the day we married. When we decided to try for a baby, we discovered that I have a prolactinomia -- which is a tumor on my pituitary gland that prevented ovulation. I went on medication to suppress that. I was 225 when I got pregnant. I had a terrible pregnancy and weighed 195 when I got home from the hospital.
Now -- you know -- I'm in the 220 neighborhood again. -- and I'm ready ready ready to be healthy.
I had gestational diabetes... and they've done all sorts of tests on me. I'm borderline insulin resistant. Bad news. That's why I must "Fight the Sugar!" My body can't handle it. And I suspect that's why my hormones are so nuts. My body is just not functioning well at this weight.
I've been at a clinical depression point in my life.
I've considered anti-depressants.
I've done LOTS of research.
They saved my sister's life.
They're not for me.
If you're on them, great.
They're not for me.
Especially not now. I KNOW what clinical depression feels like. This isn't it. This is my body physically crying out for help.
So, I'm formulating my plan.
I've got to go low carb. Not crazy person low carb. I'm talking about "no whites" low carb. No sugar, no white rice, no regular pasta.
I've got to keep exercising.
And now, I've done a little research regarding supplements.
For women with issues like mine, I've come up with this list of supplements.
*I'm NOT A DOCTOR! I'M NOT A DOCTOR!! This is not a recommendation!*

Chromium.
B-Vitamins
Zinc
Magnesium
Coenzyme-10
Garcinia Cambogia
Vitex
Milk Thistle

Okay --
Chromium: helps to encourage the formation of glucose tolerance factor which is a substance released by the liver and required to make insulin more efficient. A deficiency of chromium can lead to insulin resistance.

the Recommended Daily Intake (RDI) of Chromium is 120 mcg but it's most effective at 200 - 400 mcg per day. ( you supposedly can't OD on this one). My Prenatal vitamin has NO chromium in it.

the B's -- Vitamins B2, B3, B5 and B6 are particularly useful for controlling weight, and here's why: Vitamin B2 helps to turn fat, sugar and protein into energy. B3 is a component of the glucose tolerance factor, which is released every time blood sugar rises, and vitamin B3 helps to keep the levels in balance. Vitamin B5 has been shown to help with weight loss because it helps to control fat metabolism. B6 is also important for maintaining hormone balance and, together with B2 and B3, is necessary for normal thyroid hormone production. Any deficiencies in these vitamins can affect thyroid function and consequently affect the metabolism.

B2 - RDI is 1.3 - 1.6 -- My prenatal covers this
B3 - RDI -- 15 - 19 mcg -- My prenatal covers this
B5 - this is not in my prenatal
B6 -- RDI is 1.6 and for some reason my prenatal over-covers me on this one.

Zinc -- the RDI is 8 - 11mg. My prenatal has 25 mg -- so I'm more than covered.

Magnesium -- RDI is 320 --- my prenatal does not have magnesium in it

The other things listed are supplements not found in a common vitamin.

So I need to get supplements of Chromium, B5, Magnesium and the supplemental Q-10, Cambogia, Vitex and Milk Thistle.

That's going to be expensive.

I don't want to play "chemistry set" with my body, but I do want to get back on an even keel.
I think I'll start on Day 1 of my next "cycle."

Does anyone have experience with this sort of thing????
Any words of wisdom??

Hormone induced insanty

2007-12-02T22:20:00.000-05:00

My hormones are out of control.
I spent the weekend in a rage. Crying. Ready to divorce my husband.
It's because of PMS.
I'm sure men don't really believe it.
It's like the movie "A Beautiful Mind" -- how the delusions are so real to John Nash (a side note, I've heard Prof. Nash lecture. He's extremely boring and difficult to follow. Don't sign up for one of his classes. He's not Russel Crowe). In my mind, the issues I'm having -- even if they're about a missing "thank you" or a cup that's left out -- they're real. How do you overcome those hormones??? They make things so powerful.
And I'm convinced that if I was not so overweight the hormones would not be so insane.
Tonight, with all of my clothes on, having eaten and had lots of water, I'm weighing 226.
Gotta get back on the wagon tomorrow.
I'm a lost soul.
I'm so worked up about losing weight that I don't know where to start.
Can you help?

220.0

2007-11-30T08:32:00.000-05:00

This morning the scale said 220.0
I'm down nine pounds from the scale debacle of last week. I'm glad about that. I haven't followed my eating plan to a "t" but I've been close and I've been making healthy choices.
I roasted acorn squash for the first time last night. It was absolutely delicious. I'm determined to try another variety of winter squash this coming week.

I'm having a lot of self doubts about this triathlon. Who am I kidding?? I'll finish last! I don't want to finish last. But then, I guess that's better than not finishing. But still... It takes me 45 minutes (at best!) for the run part...many people finish the whole sprint in that amount of time. I'm wondering if I'm just delusional.

I've discovered the most filling breakfast!
I do 1 tortilla, 1 carton of better than eggs and 1 slice of cheese with salsa. This little breakfast burrito keeps me full until lunch! Even more so than if I substitute 2 slices of lite bread for the tortilla.
*Must stock up on tortillas!

An okay day

2007-11-27T18:26:00.000-05:00

I didn't really follow my eating plan for the 2nd half of the day, but I think calorie wise and choice wise I did just fine.
I didn't exercise -- I was too wrapped up in family drama. And that's the last time that will happen. I've just come to accept (as of this morning) that my mother-in-law is a nasty mean woman. She always will be. So, fine. She's just not welcome in my life. Just like that.

Wow! Another disaster. No wonder I'm fat

2007-11-26T19:22:00.001-05:00

First the good:
I started my triathlon training! Woo hoo.
Now the bad --
I had mexican for lunch. It was fried. It was delicious.
Not sticking with the plan... THAT'S why I'm so fat.

Of course, my excuse is -- my mother in law is being so nasty to us right now. I'm SO over her and her drama. DONE. We're about to take care of that right now.

Tomorrow, the training continues and I WILL stick to my eating plan.

Disasterous Day 2

2007-11-25T21:34:00.000-05:00

I started the day well intentioned, but let's face it, the disaster started with breakfast.
I'd planned to eat two lite slices of bread, one egg and some salsa.
Perfect.
And that's what I ate.
But I cooked the egg over-easy. And as delicious as it is, my stomach can't handle it.
So I was sick. The kind of sick that makes you feel just lousy. I knew it was the egg's fault.
So I'm at the grocery store getting this week's menu food and my stomach is so upset I'm considering leaving the store. I decide to turn to the old remedy. A bottle of Coke. I felt better after the first sip. Truly.
Unfortunately it lead to the slippery slope of "well, I've already cheated so I'll just have..." and what I "just had" was 2 Krispy Kreme donuts. Now, I'm fat, but I haven't had a donut in probably 2 years. Why today? Impulse. They were delicious.
I tried to eat healthy the rest of the day. I had veggie soup with turkey (no carbs) at lunch. I snacked on shredded wheat. I had my planned healthy dinner. I haven't had even half of the water I'm supposed to have though.
This morning the scale said 222.
I bet it's higher tomorrow.
Stupid water weight...
Stupid huge ass.

Oh -- and for some reason, I spent the evening picking at my arms. It wasn't too bad, but it happened.

We did get the Christmas tree up though. It's beautiful.

Day One!

2007-11-24T19:41:00.000-05:00

Despite recent trends, my enthusiasm for weight loss did not diminish overnight. I woke up this morning full of the same resolve that I fell asleep with last night. The scale said 225.5. Fuck. Then, as I tend to do, I obsessively weighted myself again about an hour later. This time I was fully dressed (no shoes) and the scale said 224.5. Tonight, before my shower, totally naked and having had dinner recently, the scale was at 223.' Looks like the water weight part is really dropping.
Before going to sleep last night I made one weeks' worth of menus following my Richard Simmons Food Mover Blast off plan. I stuck with it today. I did have half a glass of wine with dinner at my husband's insistence. He announced I was too high strung and that I needed it. It almost put me to sleep right there in my chair. I've got a teething baby, and was up literally every hour from 11pm until 5 am. Combine that with sugar withdrawal and calorie restrictions and I was a real peach to be around.
I think that's part of the problem getting started. It takes 30 days to make a habit right? Well those 30 days are agony. We drove around running errands today passing all sorts of fun drive through places. An A&W root beer place. A Panera (have you had their cookies?). It all looked so delicious. Thinking back to my salad with 2oz of turkey -- it just doesn't compare. Of course, I don't have remorse of any kind about the salad. The salad provided calories without making me sick. It was fuel. I just have to change my thinking.
Tomorrow I do my weekly grocery store trip. My list is ready.
Monday my triathlon training begins in earnest. You know, it's just 12 weeks away! Am I going to be able to run a 5k in 12 weeks???

So, here's what I'm working on

2007-11-23T19:59:00.000-05:00

Okay, so here's what I'm working on, and where I'm going:

Goal: BMI under 25.
My current BMI is 37.
Goal: Complete a sprint triathlon in March.
A friend of ours has me amped to do this. I've always wanted to do a triathlon. Why not now?
Goal: Eliminate most TV from my life.
TV sucks my time and energy. It's useless for the most part.
Goal: Stop picking at my arms.
I have this OCD thing where I'm constantly picking at tiny little blemishes on my arms. I've done it for years. I get a sick satisfaction from it. Why? Why does it feel so good? It leaves my arms looking so nasty. I want healthy, scar-free arms. Even worse, I've started picking on my forearms, so it's visible.

These are lofty goals. I feel like if I do my food mover and train for the triathlon and stop with the evening TV, the weight loss part will follow. Slowly, but it will follow. The picking, now that's an anxiety thing. I've got all sorts of anxiety. It runs in the family. I don't want to do anti-anxiety or anti-depressants because I really dislike taking medication of any kind. I used to self-medicate using Benadryl. All it did was make me grumpy and feel rotten, so I'm not doing that anymore.

I have everything in the world.
I want for nothing.
I have a wonderful, loving husband.
I have a beautiful son.
We live in a lovely house.
We can afford our needs and a few extras.
With all of this going for me and a little self-discipline, I can reach my goals!

Welcome to my Journey.

2007-11-23T19:30:00.000-05:00

Hello, and welcome to my journey.
I weighed myself tonight and the scale said 229.
Fuck.
This has to stop.
And so, like so many people, I turn to the internet for support, help, venting and outlet.
My weight has not always been this high, in fact, this is an all new high for me, however, I've been heavy since the 7th grade. I stopped playing outside because of a warning from my mother that "now that you're in middle school you need to stay away from those boys." So I stayed inside and watched TV and ate my dad's Reeses Peanut Butter Cups and grew big old boobs and a big old ass. It's a perfect way to avoid being noticed. I did eventually get married. I have one son. I refuse to become pregnant again until I'm under 200lbs. I'd like to be under 200lbs by my son's 1st birthday in March.
So, how am I going to do this??
Well, I'm committed to doing a sprint triathlon with a friend in March, so the training for that begins.
As far as eating, I successfully lost about 30lbs once using the Richard Simmons food mover. It helps me keep a balanced diet. It's the only thing that's ever worked for me. So as of tomorrow morning, I'll be blasting off and closing those windows. It has to happen.
Join me in my journey.

-- cookie monster